Asbury Tenants Weblog

do people have heat? i've been without heat for a week or so now. i spoke to brian about it today and he said that the heat is broken and that they're getting an estimate. he also said the heat was back on as of sunday night. i can assure you this was not the case in my apartment (stack 4) and is not the case -- i type this wearing a ski hat and windbreaker.

say what you want about old management vs new management. yes, the old management was spooky. and yes, the construction teams have been courteous. that said, i feel the new management has been habitually incompetent.

running water, safe electrical boards, a working elevator and call box in a 12 story building are not upgrades. they are basic services. and therefore, tenants should be compensated financially for a reduction and/or suspension of these services.

what is going on with raffle? any results? i thought it was bi-weekly?

the knob on my door has been broken since new ownership took over. i have to tape the bolt to be able to get in and out. i have been told that they are going to replace all the doorknobs, and i must wait until then. call me crazy, but i believe a fully-functioning exit to be a core service in an apartment complex.

also, i have been told that the cameras that watch over the parking lot and the front entrance are no longer operational. the old management took the equipment with them when they left. to my knowledge, asbury tenants never received notice that this security service previously offered (and included in your rent) was no longer operational. i'm curious if this is an illegal business practice.

i had no idea, until reading this blog, that mail had been stolen from the office. if it is true that brian moved the packages so that tenants would not bother him, i am outraged. perhaps this is why the door is closed even when brian is in the office? and perhaps this is why the office closes at 4 o'clock? i have no idea how someone who works long hours is ever supposed to retrieve a package from the office. all this gives the impression that the manager of the building doesn't want to be bothered by the tenants. i hope this is not the case, and that brian will prove me wrong.

Perhaps you remember the period of building-wide turmoil and unrest under the Old Management, when the elevators were constantly breaking down, causing almost unbearable inconvenience to many.

At that time a group called ARDENT was staging a guerilla flyer campaign in the elevators and elsewhere. One day I was reading one of those flyers, when I was pulled aside by the then-management and accused of being part of this group, a ringleader of some sort.

This is when my nightmare began. They took my fingerprints and photographs. I asked what was going on, and they would not answer. I asked to make a phone call, and they would not let me.

Then a team of people came and told me they wanted to ask me some questions. One man was named "Jim," and another woman called herself "Inga." She had a small dog that looked like an otter. I don’t know if these were their real names, or if it was a real dog. I was scared and did not know what was going on. (Though to be fair, that is my usual state.)

They swore at me, and insulted me. It was very humiliating. This interrogation continued until midnight. I was very, very worried, and asked for a lawyer again and again. They just ignored me. Then they put me in chains, on my wrists and ankles, and took me to a small room filled with old exercise equipment in poor condition. They would not tell me what was happening.

I had not slept or eaten since I was taken off the elevator. They brought me some cold McDonalds meal to eat. But I am vegan, and could not eat it. When I explained what a vegan was, they just laughed and also asked "But how do you get your protein?" which was very degrading, and also annoying because we vegans hear that all the time.

They strip searched me. It was humiliating. They put me in an orange suit, which does not suit my coloring (I am an Autumn) and made me sign something called NOTICE OF CHANGE OF TERMS OF TENANCY.

Then they started beating me. Every time I tried to talk they beat me. Fortunately I am used to that sort of thing from my personal life, which I won’t go into any more detail about except to say it is also hard to explain to a dominatrix why vegans don’t like leather.

I was put into a cell three feet wide and six feet deep. It was seven feet high. It had a metal door, with a small opening in the door, which did not let in light. There was a small opening in the ceiling, about one foot by two feet with iron bars. There were two blankets, two dishes and two bottles. One bottle was for water and the other one was used for urinating during the night. Nothing else. No light. On top of all this, there was only basic cable, no premium channels or Pay Per View. I spent 10 months, and 10 days inside that grave, and for that entire period I had no idea what was happening on The Sopranos. There were rats, and the rats did not speak English (or PRETENDED they couldn’t, you know how they do that).

I could hear other tenants being tortured, and screaming and screaming. One tactic they used was to question tenants for two hours, and then put them in a waiting room, so they can hear the others screaming, and then bring them back to continue the interrogation.

They wanted me to say I was a member of ARDENT. They wanted to know how I got access to a copy machine, and what made me think I was so funny? When I told them I was a professional comedy writer, it only seemed to make matters worse, so after that I didn’t say much.

I was ready to confess to anything if it would stop the torture. I told them I stole people’s socks from the laundry room. It was what I thought they wanted to hear.

Memories crowded my mind and I thought I was going to lose control. I remembered wearing one of those nylon Disco shirts when I was a kid in the 70s, and I just screamed and screamed. I could not breathe well after, and felt very dizzy.

I was not exposed to sunlight for six months. It was like holding a corporate job, or some other fate you only read about. Daily life in that place was hell. I think I lost about 40 pounds. On the up side, I am writing a book called "Prisoner of Fat! The Interrogation and Torture Diet."

Then one day I was released. I want to conclude by thanking the Jon Stewart Company for taking over the Asbury and probably saving my life. (I also used to really enjoy his late night talk show; I don’t know why they took it off the air.)

I have spent the time since then trying to learn how to live with what happened to me. Sometimes when I am awakened early by men who want to rip holes in my walls, replace my pipes, or plaster something, I have flashbacks. But I know that I have to move on and think about the future instead. I hope it will be a future full of hope and bright promise for the children of America. Thank you.

Personally, I would like to hear from tenants who have had bad experiences at the Asbury. I have been here for two and a half years and have had nothing but positive experiences. Grumblings, complaints, and memos posted in the hallways and elevators prove there is a torrent of emotion under a seemingly placid veneer. Bearing witness and testifying are not only rights but requirements of cititzenship, so let's hear it folks.